You may have noticed your parents are having difficulty with some everyday tasks around the home. And you know you need to start a conversation about getting them some support at home.
But where to begin?
Here are some helpful tips about having those conversations that will ultimately give your parents or loved one the freedom to stay living at home longer – and improve their quality of life in the process.
Choose the right time and take it slowly
There’s never the ‘perfect time’. By choosing a time when your parents are more relaxed, they may be more receptive – perhaps over a coffee or in a part of their home where they feel comfortable, away from distractions.
Reassure your parents that you’re starting this conversation because you love them and want them to continue enjoying their lifestyle in the familiarity and comfort of their own home.
Ask them what they think and feel about the idea of receiving support at home - and if they have found specific tasks more challenging to complete.
Acknowledge their concerns and reassure them that nothing will happen unless they feel happy, comfortable, safe and supported. And that you are on their side too.
Take these conversations slowly. Introduce the idea of getting extra help at home and see how they respond. Is there someone they know already receiving home care who could provide a positive example? Don’t force the discussion – you can always try again later.
Do your homework
Knowing what care services are available will help guide a smoother conversation from the start.
The first step is to understand what homecare involves.
Identify the immediate areas of need. Have you noticed they are starting to find personal care a challenge? Perhaps they need help with showering. Are you worried they are not eating well or that they are losing weight? Or maybe doing the laundry and housework is becoming more of a chore.
Once you have identified the type of support at home they need, the next step is to find which services are available within their local area.
Listening is key
Give your parents time to express their own views, and listen carefully to each concern, no matter how small they seem at the time. Make sure they know they are being heard, feel valued, and their opinion matters. You want them to feel at ease so they will respond with honesty and frankness.
Ask what they want to stop doing, keep doing and start doing
Your parents may be happy to get some help in the garden as a first step, and may have always wanted to join an exercise group but felt they never had the time.
Breaking the conversation down into specific areas will help with overwhelmed feelings. Remind them that any changes made can be done in steps and within a timeframe of their choosing. Giving them choices will also help them feel more in control.
Highlight the positive aspects the support will provide, including the freedom to choose the homecare service that suits them. At every opportunity, share that it’s about supporting and enhancing their current lifestyle, not taking anything away.
And if they are worried about the idea of having strangers in their home, you could remind them that local homecare services employ people from the area, some of whom they may already know or have an existing connection with.
Discuss any financial concerns
You know your loved one better than anyone – so it’s a good idea to anticipate the types of questions they may ask, so you can have a ready answer.
A common concern is how much support at home is going to cost. Your parent won’t necessarily have to be out of pocket. The Australian Government subsidises the cost of support at home services. What individuals need to pay will depend on the services required and, in some cases, their financial situation.
Involve a third person
Involving a trusted family friend or professional such as your family GP could help with the decision-making process – someone who knows your parents personally or professionally. They have a different relationship and could be a valuable addition to the conversation, including focusing on the positive side of this change.
A professional may also be able to provide real examples of how other locals have benefitted from additional support at home.
Responding to resistance
Remove pressure from the situation by suggesting your parents just think about the options for now. Remind them that they could always start with a trial period, to see how things go.
Revisit the conversation again, choosing a time when they don’t have other concerns to deal with.
Reinforce that the decision is all theirs; it may take time for them to agree to receive in home care. Although you may have been considering these options for a while already – it’s a new concept for them; they may need time to absorb the conversation.
Use the opportunity to further express your commitment and love for them.
Next steps?
Being patient and engaging your parents in every decision and step of the process, including visiting potential homecare providers with you, is a very important step. Allow room for learnings as you embark on this journey together – sometimes the first choice isn’t necessarily the right choice. Getting the right care can take time.
Don’t forget to look after yourself, too – ensure you get the support you need, from your partner, family, friends, and that you prioritise time out for yourself. Helping to find the right care and support can be a very challenging time for family members and loved ones as well.
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